Beneath The Surface
by kira-nerys
Summary: Inspired by a dialogue in Parturition. What goes on in Harrys mind while Tom gushes over Kes?


**Title:** Beneath the Surface  
**Author**: kira-nerys  
**Pairing**: P/K  
**Rating**: PG  
**Codes**: Slash m/m, Voy  
**Notes**: The dialogue of this piece is from the second season episode "Parturition" of Star Trek Voyager.   
**Disclaimer**: The boys belong to Paramount and the dialogue in this piece does too. But Harry's thoughts belong to me :-P  
**Summary**: What goes on in Harry's mind while all Tom seems to think about is Kes?  
**Feedback**, yes please - [kardasi@kardasi.com][1]

~¤] Beneath the Surface [¤~

A set of playful tones floated out of Harry's clarinet as his fingers deftly moved over the keys of the instrument. His practice ws interrupted by the door chime.   
  
*bree-bop*  
  
Instead of calling out for his visitor to enter, Harry moved from the music stand towards the door to open up for his visitor. He had engaged the privacy lock to be undisturbed while practicing and thinking. He sighed as the doors slid apart to reveal Tom Paris, brazenly leaning against the doorframe. Harry watched as Tom stared at him and then the clarinet as the truth dawned on him.   
  
"That was you?" he said with a tinge of surprise in his voice.   
  
"That was me," Harry replied dryly.   
  
"I'm impressed!" Tom said with awe in his voice as he reached out to take the clarinet out of Harry's hand and appraise it suspiciously - as if he believed the instrument had been pre-programmed or something.   
  
Typical of Tom to sound so shocked at the thought that he was capable of doing something that didn't involve math, engineering or some other responsible feat. He couldn't resist adding to the image Tom had of him. He let nothing show on his features though.   
  
"I keep hearing my mother say 'Practice Harry, practice!', so I ate Neelix's food for a week and used my replicator rations." Harry smiled, making it sound like he only played becasue he should.   
  
"Play something for me!" Tom demanded and handed over the clarinet. Harry took it and suddenly he felt very self-conscious. Playing for an audience was something he hadn't done in months, something he hadn't done since they arrived in the Delta Quadrant really - and to play in front of Tom of all people? He swallowed.   
  
I can't do this. Not while *Tom* is listening.  
  
"Well, I've only had it for a few days. I don't think... " Harry began reluctantly.   
  
"Aw come on!" Tom interrupted, apparently totally oblivious to Harry's discomfiture. "Play something!"   
  
That's easy for you to say Harry groused to himself.   
  
But the look on Tom's face; that pleading look, was something he could never resist. At least this time, hopefully, it would not get him into trouble.   
  
Tom moved towards the couch and sat down. Harry watched as his friend kind of spread his limbs everywhere, taking up almost half the couch all by himself. He was apparently making himself comfortable enough to listen for as long as Harry would play.   
  
Tom... oh Tom... At least I won't need an excuse to spend time with you.  
  
Harry watched as Tom put his feet on the table and seemed to relax. Harry relented, tore his eyes away before he made a fool of himself. He put the clarinet back to his lips with a last careful look at his friend. Tom looked so... beautiful where he was sitting. Harry closed his eyes for a brief moment and began playing.   
  
The tones drifted through the room and the acoustics in his quarters were surprisingly good. Harry was just beginning to feel comfortable playing for Tom when he interrupted.   
  
"Play something different," he said with a grouchy expression on his face, as if the music wasn't really what Tom had in mind when he asked him to play. Harry sighed deeply. Now what? He took the clarinet from his mouth and stared at his friend.   
  
"Different?"  
  
"Something... Not so cheerful!" Tom whined.   
  
Okay, so Tom was in a bad mood.   
  
Ok. Here we go. Another one of those 'I'm unlucky in love speeches'. Why didn't I see it coming?  
  
The signs were all there, to be sure. The restlessness, the fidgeting, the pining expression on Tom's face...   
  
I wonder what he would say if I complained about my unrequited love? I don't even want to know! He'd freak if I told him I want him, wouldn't he?  
  
"Why?" he managed to utter suspiciously, forcing himself to concentrate on the discussion instead of pining for Tom.   
  
"What? You don't take requests?" Tom spat out the words in a quick stream, in his normal jokingly manner. But Harry had seen through that a long time ago. Tom needed to talk.   
  
"Something bothering you, Paris?" he asked and forced a smile on his lips.   
  
If friendship was all Tom was going to give him, he was going to be the best friend Tom ever had. 

Not that it should be too difficult

Tom didn't seem to have that many friends in the world. And if being a friend meant listening to the man pine over some woman - he'd get through that too. He moved over to the couch and flopped down beside Tom, not so close to make it seem strange, but close enough to feel the warmth radiating from that sinewy body sprawled out right next to him.   
  
Tom waved his hand in the air for a moment and then he sank down, leaning back and looking utterly defeated.   
  
"Ooooh Harry," he whined. "I'm in trouble!"   
  
"What's new?" Harry said pressing his lips together   
  
Okay, here it comes  
  
"I think I'm in love!" Tom continued, oblivious to his friend's sullen expression.   
  
"What's new?" Harry repeated dryly.   
  
Yup, there it is!  
  
"With Kes," Tom inserted.   
  
Harry was just about to repeat the words 'what's new' when the words sunk in and he jumped, staring his friend in the face.   
  
"Kes?" he squeaked   
  
I can't believe it - I squeaked!   
  
Tom shot him a sideways glance but didn't comment on the squeaking. Maybe even he thought it was justified under the circumstances.   
  
"I know, I know! I never even saw it coming!" Tom said, sounding utterly lost and Harry's heart went out to his friend, but he was too surprised to say anything. "But there she was in my arms... " Tom's voice changed tone dramatically and sounded like he was reciting a fairy tale...   
  
"In your arms?" Harry squeaked again.   
  
Not another squeak! he mentally slapped himself. I sound like a computer with hiccoughs   
  
He quickly arranged his facial expression and turned toward Tom. "Paris... you didn't!" he said.   
  
Not Kes. Dammit Tom. Can't you see what's right in front of you?  
  
"What?" Tom said and continued as the realization hit him. "Oh no! I didn't!" He stared at Harry.   
  
I don't believe you Tom, I know you   
  
"I wouldn't! She stumbled during a flight simulation!" Tom assured him, sounding just a little hurt. Then he relaxed. Harry waited and to be sure... Tom began sounding like he was reciting a fairy tale - again.   
  
"I caught her. I held her for an instant... "  
  
I think I'm going to be sick. This is worse than I thought!  
  
Tom turned his head and stared at Harry with a sour expression on his face.   
  
"Are you going to play or not?"   
  
Play? Oh yes - he wanted me to play the clarinet! How am I going to be able to play that thing now?   
  
But he put the instrument to his mouth and hadn't more than let a couple of notes flow from the clarinet before Tom again interrupted. Harry sighed.   
  
"A whole crew full of women and I have to fall for the one I can't have!" Tom sounded angry with himself. "Why do I _do_ this to myself?"   
  
Harry stared at Tom.   
  
Stupid man!  
  
"If you ask me," he began patiently. "I say you enjoy it!"   
  
"Ha! Enjoy it?" Tom replied with a shocked expression on his face. His whole demeanor said 'you've got to be kidding me!'  
  
"Only thing that makes sense," Harry continued and for once decided to be perfectly honest with his friend. He tried to keep the emotions in check, but knew that some of what he truly felt for Tom seeped through. "You've been doing the same thing to yourself your whole life." Harry sighed as his voice caught just a bit. He drew a deep breath and continued. "Setting yourself up for rejection. You must enjoy playing the part."  
  
Look who's talking, Harry my boy!  
  
Tom stared at him for a moment and Harry held his breath. Tom did not seem to like what he was hearing. Or maybe what he was seeing? Harry let out a silent breath as his friend turned his head away and quipped.   
  
"Hey, don't knock it if you haven't tried it!"   
  
Oh, but I have, Tom. I've been living it for the last few months... You just don't know it.  
  
"I just have to be more careful," Tom said and Harry had to fight to remember what he was referring to. "I can't let myself be alone with her."  
  
Oh that was it - Kes. It could be worse. Kes is spoken for. It could be a lot worse. Get a grip Ensign!  
  
Harry pulled himself together and decided that this conversation had gone deeply enough for the time being. He collected himself.   
  
"There's an old Chinese expression." Harry tried to stay serious. "Stay out of harm's way!" He turned his head to look at Tom. Tom stayed silent for a long while and then he turned to look at Harry, with a disbelieving expression on his face.   
  
God, Tom. You are so beautiful.  
  
"That's not a Chinese expression!" Tom protested.   
  
"If it works - use it!" Harry replied firmly.   
  
I refuse to talk about Kes any longer.   
  
But for some reason now that he had time to think about it for a while, it wasn't so bad. Tom would have to get over Kes. Kes was madly in love with Neelix. Harry had never understood that particular truth, but now he was eternally grateful for it. And when Kes was out of Toms mind, then maybe... maybe...  
  
Don't even go there! he berated himself.   
  
Tom sighed and gave a disapproving noise. "Of course it would help a little if Kes and I weren't going to be stuck on the same ship for the rest of our lives."  
  
There's nowhere I'd rather be...  
  
"That's a pessimistic view!" he couldn't stop himself from commenting dryly. Sure Tom didn't have to sound deliriously happy about it, but...   
  
"I'm in a pessimistic mood," Tom complained. "Play something pessimistic!"   
  
No way, Tommy boy!  
  
Harry smiled, trying to refrain from laughing out loud. Right now Tom wouldn't understand. But Kes would soon be history and then... maybe...   
  
"Practice Harry, Practice!" Tom added.   
  
And Harry let the joy flow out of him through the clarinet, filling the room with the happy tunes which would have to replace the laughter he felt inside.   
  
Tom just glared at him.   
  
END

   [1]: mailto:kardasi@kardasi.com



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